| Island born, Illinois bred, & Arizona tanned.
The last time I typed a blog post was when I barely turned twenty. Man, has time gone by. Two years later. I’m heavy hearted, cynical, and more aware of how to control my feelings. My career headed off quite nicely at young age. All this money at my disposable and I had nothing better to do with it. Barely of age to drink and I was moving into my own place, bought a brand new car, and took control of all this freedom I never had.
Calling it quits with my soulmate is a game changer.
I experimented and had my trials with alcoholism briefly. I chain smoked momentarily. It opened my eyes to all the lessons he truly taught me about myself and the trials to come. The pain of it all showed me my vulnerability and how to guard that. I read in someones blog awhile ago about soul mates. It went something like,
soul mates aren’t meant to be kept in your life forever because it would hurt too much.
I believe that.
They’re meant to come into your life, love the fuck out of you and make you feel wholeness, shake you up inside, and leave you with lessons. Standards are then made.
If you survive, you now know what you can and can’t handle. It makes you tougher.
Now I’m turning twenty-three in August. I wonder how the rest of my twenties will turn out. More soul searching? I believe so.
All the fun & spontaneous things happen months before my 21st birthday, taunting me. Can’t go to clubs, can’t go to bars (which i’d rather prefer, at least the nice ones and with good company), & can’t go to fashion shows or runway events like tonight :(. Twenty, you are such a tease.
Its new years, and my baby is a thousand miles away :(. Awesome.